The LOLZ Mobile: May 2009

Monday, May 25, 2009

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Rumpelstiltskin! Rumpelstiltskin! Rumpelstiltskin!

1. Grab an unopened beer can.
2. Shake the beer can while repeating "Rumpelstiltskin! Rumpelstiltskin! Rumpelstiltskin!"
3. Smash the beer can on your forehead until it bursts.
4. Shotgun beer.

The "Magical Penicorn" is known to grant its owner wishes and long-lasting virility. Legend has it that evil forces cursed the Penicorn to shed the flesh from its magical horn, forcing it to become the lonely and mysterious beast of lore… the unicorn.

Sir Stamper of Newgrounds used his Magical Tablet to free the Penicorn from its curse… so that it could live freely as such for all eternity, spreading its forbidden fantasies and sinful delights across the land!

Bursting with uncontrollable love and craving the very same, this majestic creature from a time long forgotten has finally returned!

Are penicorns real? Yes

“Do you know, I’ve always thought that penicorns were fabulous monsters too? I never saw one alive before! ‘Well, now that we have seen each other,’ said the penicorn, ‘if you believe in me, I’ll believe in you…I’m horny. Get it?’” - Lewis Carroll

Pedrobear

Pedrobear is a pedophile you meet, online or off, that can't speak proper English. Pedrobears online can be the grammar nazi's worst nightmare, misspelling and abbreviating every word, no punctuation, a serious lack of grammar. These online grammar nazi's don't even have to be foreign, they can be from your homeland.
Sometimes, they suck so bad at grammar and spelling, you can't decipher what they are saying so you can't tell if they are a pedophile or not.

Insufflation

Friday, May 22, 2009

Weed Culture Worldwide

FMyLife Illustrations

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/848613

Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML

http://www.fmylife.com/kids/696283

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/786603

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

http://www.fmylife.com/work/929524

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/536418